Sheriff Fatman (Mark Goodier Session) - Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine

Now, Sheriff Fatman started out

In business, a granny farmer

He was infamous for fifteen minutes

And he appeared on Panorama

But then he somehow got himself on board

The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme

With a Prince of Wales award

For pushing Valium and amphetamines

Moving up onto second base

Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface

Six foot six and a hundred tons

The undisputed king of the slum

More aliases than Klaus Barbie

The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea

Just about to take the stage

The one and only, hold the front page

Fatman’s got something to sell

To the capitol’s homeless

At the Crossroads Hotel

For the no-fixed-abodeless

Where you can live life in style

You can sleep in a closet

And if you flash him a smile

He’ll take your teeth as deposit

There’s bats in the belfry

The windows are jammed

The toilets ain’t healthy

And he don’t give a damn

He just chuckles and smiles

Laughs like a madman

Born again Rachman

Here comes Sheriff Fatman

With his Valium, amphetamines

His sick notes and his phony prescriptions

And just when you thought it was safe

To go back into kitchen

Dead legs and cracked heads

Bunk-beds and breakfasts

Hey, hey, hey, cherish one

Moving up onto second base

Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface

Six foot six and a hundred tons

The undisputed king of slums

More aliases than Klaus Barbie

The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea

Just about to take the stage

The one and only, hold the front page

Moving up now to take the place

Of Nicholas Van Wotsisface

Six foot six and a hundred tons

The undisputed king of the slums

With more aliases than Klaus Barbie

The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea

In a hatchback from Notre Dame

The one and only Sheriff Fatman

In goes another left hook and now I’m losing my patience

Someone call up Roger Cook and the United Nations

He’s buying up houses for the has beens and helping

From Lands End to South end to Chelsea

There’s bats in the belfry

The windows are jammed

The toilets ain’t healthy

He don’t give a damn

He just chuckles and smiles

Laughs like a madman

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Sheriff Fatman

Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, brainchumps