Natalie's Rap - The Lonely Island, Natalie Portman, Chris Parnell

We’re sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman

Hello

So Natalie, tell us what a day in the life of Natalie Portman is like?

Do you really want to know?

Please, tell us

I don’t sleep, motherfucker;

off that 'gnac and the durban

Doin' 120, gettin' head while I’m swervin'

Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick

Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick!

I bust in dudes' mouths like Gushers motherfucker

Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker

What you want Natalie?

To drink and fight!

What you need Natalie?

To fuck all night!

Don’t test me when I’m crazy off that airplane glue

Put my foot down your throat 'til your shit’s in my shoe

Leave you screamin', pay for my dry-cleanin'

Fuck your man, it’s my name that he’s screamin'!

I’m sorry Natalie, are we to believe that you condone driving while intoxicated?

I never said that I was a role model

But, what about the kids that look up to you?

Do you have a message for them?

All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick

It’s Portman, motherfucker, drink 'til I’m sick

Slit your throat and pour nitrous down the hole

Watch you laugh and cry;

while I laugh, you die

And all the dudes, you know I’m talkin' to you

We love you Natalie!

I wanna fuck you too!

P!

Is for Portman!

P!

It’s for pussy!

I’ll kill your fuckin' dog for fun, so don’t push me!

Well Natalie, I’m surprised, all this coming from a Harvard graduate?

Well, there’s a lot you may not know about me

Really, such as?

When I was in Harvard I smoked weed everyday

I cheated every test and snorted all the yay

I got a def posse, you got a bunch of dudes

I’ll sit right down on your face and take a shit!

Natalie, you are a badass bitch (Hell yeah!)

And I’ll always pay for your dry-cleaning

When my shit gets in your shoe (What!)

And as for the drug use, well I can vouch for that

My dick is scared of you, girl

Okey-doke

Natalie, one final question

If you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it-

No more questions

What!