Whittlin' Man - Stephen Lynch

In the woods of northern Michigan he made his home

Didn’t ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone

He got his first real blade at thirteen, that’s when it all began

And soon the creatures of the forest called him Whittlin' Man

Yeah

He whittled all day, and he whittled all night

He whittled, whittled, whittled everything in sight

He whittled on a stick, and he whittled on his shoe

And if you come too close, he’s gonna whittle you too

Keep a safe distance if you can

‘Cause you’re never safe around Whittlin' Man

Had a stump to sit on, had some wood, had his trusty knife

Whittled out a house, a car, and he whittled himself a wife (Such a beautiful

wife)

Whittled out four kids, a swimming pool, and a big Learjet

And so he wouldn’t miss Saved by the Bell, well, he whittled a TV set

Yeah

He whittled if it’s light, and he whittled if it’s dark

And if Noah was around, well, he’d whittle him an ark

He whittled something new and he whittled something old

He whittled something hot and he whittled something rather chilly

Keep a safe distance if you can

‘Cause you’re never safe around Whittlin' Man

Some say Whittlin' Man’s a genius, still others say he’s just dumb

He’s whittled off a foot, an ear, three fingers, and his left thumb (Boy,

is he dumb!)

That won’t stop him, no it won’t

He’ll whittle through thick and thin

Once he’s whittled everything, he’ll just whittle it all again

Yeah

He whittle if it’s white, and he whittle if it’s black

And he whittle on a duck till the duck can’t quack

He whittle if it’s dry, and he whittle if it’s juicy

He whittle on Desi and whittle on Lucy

He whittle JFK and whittle Jackie O

He whittle on Larry, Curly and Moe

He whittle Frank Zappa and he whittle Tipper Gore

Whittle, whittle, whittle till he can’t no more

Whittle Shamu and he whittle on Jaws

Whittle Easter Bunny and he whittle Santa Claus

Whittle, whittle, whittle just as fast as he can

Whittle till he’s dead, he’s Whittlin' Man