Lion - Stephen Lynch

«Howdy, folks.

This next song is a story of a gal who just

Couldn’t choose between to fellers.

One was about the nicest

Guy you ever met, and the other one, well, he’s kind of a

Dick.

Let’s listen in as these boys settle it the only way

They know how;

through singing.

And a 1, and a 2… «Make a choice — will it be

A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby

Or a guy like me?

I would comfort you when you’re sad

Well, I would just leave you crying

I would protect you if a lion attacked you

Not trying to fuck with no lion

I would fight a man for your honor

I don’t know no kung fu

I’d carry you across a muddy field

Bitch, these Jordans are new

Make a choice — will it be

A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby

Or a guy like me?

I would read you romantic poetry

I’ll leave that shit on the shelf

My love making would be sweet and tender

This thing ain’t sucking itself, no

I would take you to the finest restaurants

Here’s an old Baby Ruth

I would tell you how pretty you look tonight

And I would tell you the truth

Make a choice — will it be

A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby

Or a guy like me?

But ba-by, baby

The choice is up to you

So pick me quickly

'Cause I’ve got shit to do

It’s true dear, I do dear

I want you to be mine

But let’s be clear here

I’m still not fighting no lion…

«Let's see what happens next…

Every day I’d say how much I love you

… I would not

I’d surprise you with gifts and flowers

I’d spend your money on pot, yeah

We would stay up all night just talking

I’d fall asleep when I came

I’d spell your name out with a thousand rose petals

I don’t remember your name!

Make a choice — will it be

A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby

Or a guy like me?

Make a choice — will it be

A guy who really, really loves you baby, baby

Or a guy like me?

«See?

I told you he was kind of a dick.»