Dudley Dorite (Of The Highway Patrol) - Ray Stevens

Well they call him Dudley Dorite, but that’s not his real name

The toughest highway cop from California to Maine

He hides back in the bushes with the latest radar

He’ll take your picture, then he’ll catch you in his modified car

His heart’s hard as concrete and his blood is ice cold

He’s Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol — Dudley Dorite

He’ll pull up behind you in that fast-modified car

And walk up to you and hook both thumbs over that black hand-tooled leather

pistol belt

Look down at you from behind them cool-hand Luke

Man with no eyes, sunglasses and say

«Clocked you back 'ar At 57 ½ miles an hour, yeah I did

Guess you know you’re in a heap o’trouble don’t you boy?

Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh»

He rides a big ole Harley, got a Mustang GT

And a bell helicopter hidden in the pine trees

If he catches you for speedin', it’s ten years to life

And if you protest he takes your first born child, your house, and your wife

You wanna let me see your license there boy?

You do have a license, don’t you boy?

You wanna just take it out of that there wallet there for me, boy?

Yeah… well, looka here what we have here?

I was down in the Southland, late for a show

Had the pedal to the metal and a long way to go

Talkin' on the CB, had my fuzz-buster on

There was not a soul in sight so I kept movin' along

Looked in my mirror and Lord bless my soul

There was Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol — Dudley Dorite

Well, looky what we got here, Mr. Raymone Stevenson

Ole Ahab The Arab his own self

You want an autograph? Huh?

Not exactly, son

My wife Ethel, uh

You do 'member Ethel don’t you, boy?

That shameless hussy, she was sayin' to me she says «Bubba»

That’s right, name’s Bubba

And I just happen to be the lustrous potentate of this here local shrine temple

«Bubba, why do you s’pose it is that that

Raymone Steveson treats us so ugly on all his phonograph records?»

And I said «I don’t know», and I turned to my brother Clyde

And his wife, sister Bertha

And they said they didn’t know neither

'Bout that time, my nephew Harv Newland come in and I sez

«Harv, have you heard that Raymone Stevenson’s latest meanness on the

phonograph record?»

He looked up at me and said, «Yeah, I did

And Uncle Bubba how do you s’pose it is

That Raymone Steveson knew I had a steeple on my barber shop?»

Well, I guess you just better come along with me, boy

Ole deputy Coy’s got a bone or two he’d like to pick with you his own self

Guess ever-thing ain’t so dadburned beautiful right now, is it, huh?

Well they call him Dudley Dorite, but that’s not his real name

The toughest highway cop from California to Maine

He hides back in the bushes with the latest radar

He’ll take your picture, then he’ll catch you in his modified car

His heart’s hard as concrete and his blood is ice cold

He’s Dudley Dorite of the highway patrol — Dudley Dorite