Doctor Doctor (Have Mercy On Me) - Ray Stevens

Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease

You doctors, you get all the breaks

You get to bury your mistakes

Doctor, have mercy on me

Well, the cruelest thing that was ever invented

Came out of a mind that was truly demented

It’s a little ol' thing they call the proctoscope

I said «a little ol' thing», that ain’t exactly right

'Cause it’s a three-foot piece of galvanized pipe

Make a sedentary middle-aged man out-jump an antelope

Heaven knows what goes on in their minds

Why, some of these doctors think they’re divine

'Bout one half-step down from the man upstairs

They can’t walk on water or part the sea

But I had one who separated me

From my gallbladder and every penny of money I made for the last six years

Doctor, doctor, have mercy on me (Have mercy on me)

(Have mercy)

Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease

The practice of medicine is a must

But must you always practice on us?

Doctor, have mercy on me

They make you wait in their office for hours on end

While they drive into the club in their Mercedes-Benz

That you paid for with your hemorrhoid-ectomy

And those little gowns they give you got no back at all

And they’d be too short if you were three feet tall

I tell you, it’s just a plot to strip you of your pride and dignity

Strip down naked, boy, cough and sneeze

And jump up on that table on your hands and knees

Now there’s not another person in the world you’d do that for

But we just jump on up there like a Cocker Spaniel

Like it’s written somewhere in some sacred manual

That you do everything the doctor tells you

Who do they think they are?

Doctor, doctor, have mercy on me (Have mercy on me)

(Have mercy)

Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease

Practice medicine day and night

Practice?

Practice 'til you get it right

Doctor, have mercy on me

I said, doctor, doctor, have mercy on me (Have mercy on me)

(Have mercy)

Doctor, your cure is worse than my disease

Yeah, you doctors, you get all the breaks

You get to bury your mistakes

Doctor, have mercy on me