Catman Finley - Momus

Well I stand here before you in the circus court

With a most sincere appeal for your kindness and support

The consciousness of peril ever playing on my mind

Hoping against hope you will be lenient and kind

My name is Catman Findlay and I have eleven toes

I like to wear, admittedly, some slightly silly clothes:

These baggy pants, this purple hair, this stupid waxy nose

The grinning crocodiles of my disintegrating shoes

Well I would be law-abiding but my enemies are mean

Growing ever bolder in their comedy routines

If I do whip my assistant until her buttocks bleed

It’s not because I want to, but they force me to compete

Well as you know the circuses have fallen on hard times

People want to stay at home and swipe their telephones

And there’s no-one coming out to see a girl on a trapeze

Swinging from the sky supported only by her knees

But if I should do a knife act, and it should go awry

And the knife should slip into a breast and if the girl should die

People laugh like drains, they think it’s all part of the act

And laughs are hard to get, my lords, and that’s a circus fact

And I would be law-abiding but the competition’s mean

You’ve got to put some wick-wack in your comedy routines

We’ve reached the point where circus acts are turning into crimes

But life is hard, your lordships, and we keep up with the times