I'm the King of the Castle - Dan Bull

Ahh.

Do you smell that?

Look at my fortress

It’s bloody gorgeous

I’m looking forward to seeing how sturdy yours is

I hope you bought buildings and contents insurance

'Cause you’re about to make a claim of epic proportions

You were appointed with a place of great importance

You’ll be disappointed when it’s nothing more than sawdust

You’re getting shelled like a walnut

Or shelled like a corn husk

Or shelled like an unfortunate tortoise

This track’s enormous

Like my pink sword is

But I’m running out of rhymes, so bring me my thesaurus

(Aw yiss!)

Anything you build up will be brought to the floor with

Force, feel the buildup

Yes, of course, here’s the chorus

Come on

I’m ready

For anything you’re sending at me

I’m the king of my castle, bow to me

I’m aching for the battle, one two three

Come on

I’m ready

For anything you’re sending at me

I’m the king of my castle, bow to me

I’m aching for the battle, one two three

Dunking on packs of wolves

As if they’re basketballs

And I did that before the sport was fashionable

Your faction’s calling for a nasty fall

And I’ve been smashing walls

From here to Aston Hall

I am impassable

I’m unsurpassable

And when it comes to demolition I’m a natural

Fact: your walls and gravity are incompatible

You need 'em bashed to the floor

And I’m the chap to call

My mouth’s a cannon

That is rammed with massive balls

I’m rapping to Pachelbel’s Canon

And it’s classical

In practical terms

I’m taking tactical turns

But still collapsing buildings is my main thematic concern

I’ll never have my fill

With abusing your battlements

It’s more amusing to me than the sound of flatulence

Benevolent

I do it for your benefit and betterment

So remember than when I’m wrecking your settlement

There ain’t nothing left of it except for bits of sediment

Ready for Bovis to set up a new development (Who?)

I’m tearing through your regiments as if they’re bits of loo roll

And when I’m done, I will return again, rip you a new hole

(Hahahahahahaha! Hey, hey, hey!)

Come on

I’m ready

For anything you’re sending at me

I’m the king of my castle, bow to me

I’m breaking you in battle, under siege

Come on

I’m ready (Whoo!)

For anything you’re sending at me

I’m the king of my castle, bow to me

I’m breaking you in battle, under siege

(Servant, King)

Um, my liege?

Yes?

We’re under siege

Whose limbs are these?

They must be somebody’s

But before we succumb I should come up with a speech

Or borrow one, that’s easier, so once more unto the breech!

(Knight)

Oi, oi, who wants a piece?

Come on, come get it

Anyone from sheep to priests

You having fun yet?

(Mage)

Fighting all the undead

Right from dawn to sunset

By now the body count’s gotta be more than a hundred

But I’m not done yet

And I’m not gonna rest

Until there’s precisely one less than one left

After a hard battle you’ll find Daniel in his hard castle

His detractors captive in the back with legs and arms shackled

Supping on a cup of ale

Regaling the court with tales

Of the time you tried to step up and failed to prevail

Tuck your tail in between your legs and do one

Or yet again, I’ll rip you a new one

Sat in my fortress

It’s bloody gorgeous

I’ll never surrender it to the National Trust

What a performance

I’d call it flawless

Just like the hole inside your castle where your floor was

(Haaaaaah! Hey, hey, hey!)

Come on

I’m ready

For anything you’re sending at me

I’m the king of my castle, bow to me

I’m returned from the battle, victory

Come on

I’m ready

Let’s sit down and have a cup of tea

I’m the king of my castle, bow to me

I’m returned from the battle, victory