I'm Going to Be a Daddy - Dan Bull

When she showed me the pregnancy test I felt numb

I thought these things were supposed to tell the facts

Howcome we got this outcome?

They’re meant to be ninety-nine point nine percent accurate

But now I doubt them

I thought maybe one day I may want a baby

But not here, not now, what, are you crazy?

It’s too soon I’m too stupid to build a human nest

I’m a man child hiding in the shadow of my student debts

We always used protection, at least to my recollection

Well, i guess this is another new regret to my collection

And I won’t kill a fetus

Even if it’s milimetres

If I’m big enough to spill a seed, then i’m big enough to let it breathe

A fellow creature, full of genes with each of us

We’re big enough to bring it up and let it develop features

Left speechless

But my ears hurt even when I hear tiny noises

How am I going to deal with each night of crying high-pitched voices?

When they’re in pain there’s no way to make them say it softly

I’m good with kids, as long as someone can take them off me

And what’ll remain of our relationship that’s already strained?

The love that’s left it’s drained and plumbed into a baby’s veins

And what if this isn’t the right relationship to stay with?

At this stage in the day it may just be to late to change it

I’m going to be a daddy and I’m fucking terrified

I’m gonna throw up and there’s nowhere I can ever hide

I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride

I’m going to be a daddy and I’m fucking terrified

My life is rather good, it’s no time for fatherhood

Looking at the cats it’s hard enoguh, I can’t give up my livelihood

I can’t be a role model, my own soul’s swaddled

My train of thought’s like a pram rolling on old cobbles

How can I change the habit of a lifetime?

I’m a lazy chappy

Change that?

I’ve never had to change a baby’s nappy

Don’t want to watch the Tweenies on the TV

I like cult classic black and white cinema, fuck CBeebies

I don’t have a choice anymore

I don’t have a voice anymore

Can’t make noise anymore

I can’t have a bottle of brandy and a LAN party with the boys anymore

The way I want to steer the ship and the way it heads is all different

The game of life is flipped from single player to a co-op escort mission

How can I provide enough safety and security?

When it feels like it’s the whole world versus her and me?

Poland versus Germany

East versus West

Earth eating itself while I’ve invited you to be its guest

What can I bring to the table?

I’m not mentally stable

But they say parenting’s innate and we’re all meant to be able

But what if it’s ill, what if it’s disabled, what if it’s not mine?

What if it dies, what if it grows up to be a horrible little gobshite?

What if it hates me?

What if it’s not just one kid?

What if it listens to this song and feels unwanted?

I’m going to be a daddy and I’m fucking terrified

I’m gonna throw up and there’s nowhere i can ever hide

I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride

I’m going to be a daddy and I’m fucking terrified

I hope I can be helpful during the birth

Providing backup for the mother of the youngest of the children of earth

When it’s eighteen, I’ll be forty-eight

When it’s forty-eight, I’ll be seventy-eight

And when it’s seventy-eight, I should be dead in the grave

Or in my place waiting at the heavenly gate

Every day a memory fades except for some strange cases

Like when I’m travelling back to the past and wondering wether to change places

When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb

But now I’ve settled down, I’ve got one message:

Welcome

I’m going to be a daddy

I’m going to be a daddy

I’m going to be a daddy

I’m going to be a daddy

I’m going to be a daddy

I’m going to be a daddy

I’m going to be a daddy

I’m going to be a daddy