Don't Be A Lawyer - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast, Burl Moseley

Twenty years old, pretty smart kid

Didn’t know what I wanted to do

So I took the LSAT

And just like that

I got accepted at Glendale U

Everyone said it was a real safe bet

A prestigious and lucrative vocation

So I set off on a journey

To become an attorney

Without a moment’s hesitation

But here’s some free advice I’m givin'

When it comes to decidin' what to do for a livin'

Don’t be a lawyer!

Don’t do it!

Quickest way to ruin your life

Don’t be a lawyer!

Not worth it!

It’ll leave you dead inside

The job is inherently crappy

That’s why you’ve never met a lawyer who’s happy

It’s a guaranteed soul destroyer

Don’t be a lawyer

Law school debt

Daily regret

Is that really what you dreamed as a kid?

Or did you hope one day

That you’d find a way

To spend four years workin' on a pharmaceutical company’s merger with another

pharmaceutical company?

Your only expertise

Is runnin' up fees

Speakin' legalese like a dick

But it’s not too late

To avoid this fate

Find any other job to pick

Sure, your parents might think you’re a failure

But no one’s ever said, «First, let’s kill all the tailors.»

Don’t be a lawyer!

I’m serious, it really, really sucks

Don’t be a lawyer!

No one you work with looks like Ally McBeal

There are so many other professions

That don’t turn you into Jeff Sessions

Just say no to the lawyer employer

No, don’t be a lawyer

What about human rights law?

No money, no, no money

Environmental law?

No money, even less money

Immigration law?

No money, plus it’s a bummer

Okay, but what if you make it to the Supreme Court?

It’d be great to be on the Supreme Court

But you’ll never be on the Supreme Court

There’s truly no chance of that happenin'

The preceding song in no way reflects the views of CBS and the CW network

Ah, screw it

See?

Don’t be a lawyer!