The Math of Love Triangles - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast, Rachel Bloom

What’s a girl to do when she’s stuck between men

It’s like she’s a Barbie with two perfect Kens

But wait, it just occurred to me

Maybe I can solve this with geometry

Yes, smarts can help this sitchywation untangle

So professors: teach me

The math of love triangles

(spoken)

Yay, time for book facts!

A triangle is a polygon

With three edges and three vertices

Take the base times the height, cut that in half

To find the area of the surfaces

Uh-huh, I wasn’t really listening, but I can see

The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me!

The math of love triangles

Isn’t hard to learn

You’re not taking in what we’re saying

We’re a little bit concerned

Yes, the math of love triangles

Is as simple as can be

Whichever Tom or Dick I might pick

The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me!

Actually a triangle has multiple centers

This triangle’s scalene

That’s astute

So I need to decide which man’s more acute

Here’s Pythagoras' Theorem

Will this help me choose?

If not I’ll be swinging from a hypote-noose

Let’s take a look at what this line bisects

Is that spelled B-I-S-E-X?

Those are good puns but please pay attention

Oh no, professors, am I facing suspension?

Whee, a swing!

It’s literal suspension!

The math of love triangles

Isn’t hard to learn

We’re starting to suspect

You don’t sincerely want to know about triangles

Yes, the math of love triangles

Is as simple as can be

I need to choose between men, but until then

The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me

Is this a triangle?

No, that’s a shoe

Is this a triangle?

No, that’s you

So I’m a triangle?

What?

No

One, two, three, six, eight, three, go!

You don’t seem to know how to count

We are sincerely worried about you

Catch me!

You’re ruining the number!

This angle’s right

Which angle’s right?

No, not right like correct

Ooh, are you erect?

No, 90 degrees

That’s really erect!

The math of love triangles

Is super duper fun

We’re tired of all your tangents

That’s also a triangle pun

Ooh, thanks for teaching me man math!

You all deserve a kiss

Lady, we’re all gay

We get nothing out of this

Neither man will notice

My learning disability

'Cause the center of the triangle

Is lil' old

Sexy little baby

Me!