Kill 'em With Kindness (Parody) - Bart Baker

When someone tries to throw me shade

I use a spell I learned on

Wizards of Waverly Place

Because I really am a witch

I turn on the niceness

Pretend I like em

They don’t realize I am full of shit

I kill em with kindness

Til their body’s lifeless

You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead now!

When I treat someone kind they always die

But I cannot be charged with a crime

I get away with murder all the time

Yeah, that’s right

Instagram haters and Twitter trolls

I direct message them a sweet hello

And when they read it at first they’re smiling

But soon they are dying

I don’t use violence

I kill em with kindness

It’s worse than a kick in the privates

If I feel slighted

You should be frightened

Cos I’ll explode your head now

Selena Gomez, she must be stopped!

Her evil power it must be blocked!

That kind of sweetness, who could resist it?

This Canadian!

Hey, Justin Bieber, your country needs ya

To stop your ex girlfriend Selena

You’re numb and jaded from female attention

Her spell will not affect you

Yo what’s up Selena?

Oh my god Justin what are you doing here?

Yo Selena you know your music sucks and you got big nasty feet?

What did you say?

He said your music blows and you are like hmm, hmm girlfriend.

And he’s hating on you.

Well that’s okay like I don’t mind the hate and I just love you Justin.

I love everything about you and your hair and you’re so amazing.

You talking right now?

I’m — I — I really love your shoes Justin.

Would you shut up?

I don’t understand — I — I — I just want to be kind.

I just want to be kind Justin.

I…

Yes, bingo.

Our work here is done.

Now we’re going to deport your lily-white supple yet firm ass back to Canada.

Wait hey that wasn’t part of the deal eh…