The Day I Tried To Teach Charlene Mackenzie How To Drive - Ray Stevens

Well, now Charlene Mackenzie was a certified beauty

And I thought it was my patriotic duty

To teach her things like neckin', yeah

And drivin' an automobile

Now Charlene Mackenzie, while prettier than most

Turned out to be as deaf as a post

A condition I was not aware of until

She got behind my steerin' wheel

I had a '57 Chevy, it was born to run

It was a red-hot, fuel-injected son of a gun

And when she showered down on that accelerator

She just froze when it let out a roar

I said, «Don't rev it so much, take your foot off the gas»

She thought I said, «Pop the clutch and make it go fast»

And she did, and friends, we laid rubber for a block or more

And there were chickens on the bumper

Yeah, feathers in the grill

Rose bushes in the wheel wells

And a pig on my windshield

Yeah, and the bees were a-buzzin'

Where she mowed down their beehive

On the day I tried to teach Charlene Mackenzie how to drive

(How to drive)

I said, «Hold on a second, I wanna talk to you»

She thought I said, «Go for second and see what she’ll do»

And we laid more rubber, she jumped it to a hundred and four

Now Clarkdale, Georgia is just a little old town

And shoot, I thought I knew my way around

But she took me places that day I’d never seen before

Through farms and gullies and over hills

We uncovered lovers and moonshine stills

And broke into a clearing of the annual picnic

Of the Georgia Highway Patrol

Yeah, we broke up that picnic and everything in it

Those officers were on us in a New York minute

And I knew somehow I just had to regain control

Because now there were lovers on the bumper

Picnic baskets in the grill, yeah

Wrapped around the fenders

Was what was left of a moonshine still

There was a wounded patrolman on my windshield

Yellin', «You'll get three to five»

On the day I tried to teach Charlene Mackenzie how to drive

(How to drive)

Well, I finally got her just to push in the clutch

And we coasted to a stop

But she still had her foot on the gas

When up walked that wounded highway cop

He blew some feathers out of his mouth

And before I could stop him, I heard him ask

«Ptooey, why don’t you quit revvin' it up so much

And take your foot off the gas?»

Oh no, here we go again

And there were chickens on the bumper

Yeah, feathers in the grill

Rose bushes in the wheel wells

And a pig on my windshield

And the bees were a-buzzin'

Where she mowed down their beehive

On the day I tried to teach Charlene Mackenzie how to drive

(How to drive)

On the day I tried to teach Charlene

Ah, Charlene, Charlene, look out

How to drive

Charlene came to see me in the hospital a few days later

And apologized for all the damage she’d done

And assured me that everything was gonna be alright now

Because her parents had just bought her a brand new hearing aid

And it was the finest hearing aid that money could buy

And I said, «Well, really, Charlene?

What kind is it?»

She just looked at her watch and said, «Oh, it’s about 9:30»