Unicorn - Wizard

Ninja Brian, hand me my cloak.

And my staff.

And my horn.

And that thermos of

soup.

I’m hungry but also thirsty, and you can kind of like eat and drink soup

at the same time.

Let’s go!

Whoo!

Riding straight out of your imagination

Using my magic to fight against crime

Destroying evil with powers most awesome

Protecting the weak almost all of the time

But not on Sundays… Game of Thrones is on!

Now is the time for a man of conviction

The world needs a hero, and I am that guy

Girl: Look!

Who is that masked man?

Danny Sexbang: That’s Ninja Brian, but shut up about him.

Let’s focus on me,

because…

I am the Unicorn Wizard

Riding for justice on a comet of stars

With the help of my sidekick Princess Handjob

I’m more awesome and smarter than I already are

I am the Unicorn Wizard

My spells are amazing, and my reflexes quick

My horn is my strength and my strength is my power

And my power is my horn and my horn is my dick

Here’s your opportunity to stop listening if this song got too amazing for you.

No?

OK

My life is a party, the guests are supermodels

Operation: I Rule is a total success

Each day I invent a new form of karate

That changes the way that Japan views the West

Now’s that’s progress!

Doitashi Mashitay!

Then we retire to the Chamber of Passion

And bathe in pool of strawberries and cream

The strawberries rub and exfoliate gently

The cream travels places you can’t even dream

Girl: Ugh, I think I just dreamed it

Danny: How was it?

Amazing?

Girl: Uhh.

Danny: You mean Uhh… stounding?

Yeah.

You do

I am the Unicorn Wizard

Just like Danny Sexbang, I’m handsome and strong

With the help of my hellhounds Tinkles and Gary

We punish the wicked then break into song

I am the Unicorn Wizard

A superhero for the entire human race

My wand casts a spell that will unlock the door

And the wand is my junk and the door is your face

Mom: Danny, Danny, wake up!

Danny: Oh, oh… Oh hey mom.

I had the craziest dream!

I was the Unicorn Wizard

Mom: Awww, shut up

Danny: Unicorn Wizard!

Mom: I said shut up

Danny: You shut up