Conversations - Tsu Surf, Joe Budden

Constantly accomplishin' all of these new accomplishments

Sometimes I wake up

And feel like I ain’t really accomplished shit

Honestly it’s stressful

Thoughts as random as this bitch that I’m next to

I know this conversation probably like pot to kettle

I need your opinion, I could possibly be trippin'

My conclusions all the same, it be like, «Fuck it or Smith’n»

I need logic, I got skeletons in my closet

Won’t say I’m tryin' to clean it up, just sort it out

Sharin' with you shit that I thought about

Can’t stop dreamin' 'bout

Joe, how I get these demons out?

Voices in my head, I need to scream it out

Man, I did bad things, I ain’t proud and I ain’t glad things

They was tryna press me, I gave 'em Jordan;

that’s mad rings

Buncha shit, tell me how you think I should handle it

Or manage it, fuck, I wasn’t ready for this camera shit

And grandma’s sick, goddamn, man, grandma’s sick

Fuck, I’m probably ramblin', shit, here I go ramblin'

Somethin' gotta give with it

You don’t get rid of your demons, you learn to live with it

4/5th in the capsule

Painkillers for the nights you get sick with it

Blinders over your eyes, my nigga, shit’s vivid

Get livid, shit twisted, it’ll happen like a bad disaster

And niggas see you like a battle rapper

But you your own worst enemy, so when you leave Smack you have to have a real

battle after

You right, but I lost three homies in like four weeks

Same place I call home, nothin' about Newark sweet

And I don’t keep it on me just so I could hold heat

I keep it ‘cause the reaper layin' niggas in these cold streets

If I go, how my daughter gon' eat?

Who gon' tell her right from wrong?

How my mama gon' sleep?

Sheesh!

They say when you speak it, you bring it in the flesh

Few of my niggas left, and I’m feelin' like a nigga next

My nigga, stop it, you got time on your side like that Glock is

That paranoia got you obnoxious

Let me paint an angle:

You ain’t lose friends, you gained angels

So before bed you should be sayin' thank you

And oh, far as your seed, just be there and stay put

I only see mine on my baby mother’s Facebook

You got a hand in rap and one in the streets

Gotta be faithful to one when them two sides meet

Me and my baby mama tried to work it out again

Same results, was just runnin' her mouth again

Pushed me away, I won’t lie, I dipped out again

Here I go tryin' to freshly paint an old house again

Do they always leave with more than they came with?

Text you like they changed

Turn around and be the same bitch

Man, I need answers, Joe, I need answers

Look, get you some shit to roll, a little cancer

Get you a stack of ones, a couple dancers

They’ll make you king for the night, or maybe chancellor

She’ll think you still in the hood, standin' on Chancellor

Baby mom’s wild whenever they get to chance to

Useless arguments I never been a fan of

That’s 18 years of dealin' with the banter

Restraining order, she’ll violate if you don’t ban her

That’s payback for all the bullshit she think you hand her

Okay, well, Tylenol bottles full of Xans

Couple 100's, couple bitches now, I guess I got plans

Can’t let her get the best of me

First she say «fuck it,» now she paragraph textin' me

I’m the reason we like this, well, allegedly

Thoughts all scrambled, other bitches keep eggin' me

Buggin' out, fall asleep

Creepin' turn to breakfast at another house

Wild sex with bitches that barely give they number out

Always start with a chill

Before the sex, before the feelings, before shit get real

For real, I felt like I ain’t need her

Felt shit change and started confidin' in Karisha

Swear it was somethin' I ain’t mean to do

Then stopped givin' a fuck

When I found out she cheated too—unbelievable!

Who coulda guessed a nigga stressin' said F it?

Rebounds turned into a new possession, shit’s gettin' hectic

New possession, same shot clock

Funny wherever I go, them same thots watch

When in VIP unscrewin', playin' Cîroc top

So she think I’ll jump for the box;

playin' hopscotch

But I can’t give you girl advice

Not when I used to use girls as a vice

Shit, sex was a drug, the orgasm was a high on it’s own, man

Knew they was addicted, they never got with the program

Or was it codependency?

In reverse, did I need them to depend on me?

Showin' unconditional love, no contingency

Though I knew it wouldn’t last, I pretended to be

My aura never came off as apprehensive at least

So if you listenin', please don’t take this offensively

It wasn’t meant to be, you took a ride with the devil

Jekyll and Hyde, makes sense that I was hidin' Jekyll

They couldn’t take it any longer from me

So it’s odd they all moved around the corner from me

Maybe they hopin' we’ll run into each other

That’ll ruin you, sorta like a car to a deer

That’s what y’all are to me, my dear

Do you sleep better knowin' that a part of me is near?

But I’m so outta love you gotta pardon if I care

I swear, the distaste stems from this space

I think the love is lost, they think it’s misplaced

I think it’s like, suddenly every bitch got time

When I’m back home, I be feelin' like LeBron

They say, «You made it!»

I’m just thinkin' in my mind

Like I ain’t made it 'til I made a safe haven for my mom

I think I fucked up too many times

Don’t think she fully understand the whole grind

Wonder if Alana know why daddy go

She can’t get Doc mixed up as her daddy, bro

I been there, playin' a role, couldn’t take it

They told me you gotta fake it 'til you make it

Against my will I tried everything to embrace it

And then I transformed into everything that I hated

I always picture me spendin' bank in the district

Then I learned you get famous before you get rich

They’ll think you ballin', you might have to bounce on

Dudes countin' your money

You thought that you could count on

Called my phone, tryin' to book me for a fuckin' battle

I’m still havin' battles of my own

Some battles I don’t feel strong enough to win

Even if I did, I rarely win them battles with Patron

So pessimistic, I need to stop it, this shit ain’t easy

Alana called me, yellin': «Daddy!

I see you on TV!»

Why I be feelin' stuck and shit

Like this money ain’t cuttin' it?

Different stages, different phases

Different animals, different cages

Different charges, that’s different cases

Been the same me all along with different aces

Every month, different cops kill different faces

They indifferent, wish it was happenin' to different races

Different decade, can’t tell we in different ages

Same gang, same result, just different places

I been tryin' to separate my wants from my needs

Mom said I’m like my pops

«That apple don’t fall far from that tree.»

I couldn’t quote her

If he was anything like me we would definitely be closer

But she kinda got a point

Man, I need to roll another joint

So much come with that pop shit

Whoever confronted that pop shit

Deffo wish we was closer, I hate it, but I chuck it up

I was in the streets, a lost cause, I probably fucked it up

I was younger though, that was just a lesson

He left him when he really needed protection

Say he and him, I hate sayin' us

Late nights I was stayin' up

Waitin', fell asleep, thinkin' I hate him

Cold hearted ‘cause I gotta be, he ain’t have to lie to me

Man, why this shit even still bother me?

Hold up, we all been fatherless

At thirteen I thought mine ain’t wanna be bothered with

But life come at you fast

Buckle up or get buckled, there’ll be harder hits

Learn to guard your shit, regardless of what is

Far as demons, gotta live with monsters at the crib

I got experience—you need a nigga, holla at the kid

And I’ll tell you how to grow up better than myself

Just some lessons that nobody knows better than myself

It’s Joe