Memorial - The Giver

I still remember the police lights that painted your house a new color on that

day

And I still remember all the thoughts that I had

And that I couldn’t find one word to say

I remember how fake it felt and how much I wanted to hear that it was all a joke

But it was no joke because you slept on that night

And when the morning came, you never woke

But on the day of your funeral

I didn’t want to but I stood up

And I tried to speak

I fought with myself to be strong

But I knew deep down that I was weak

I’m so weak

This is your memorial

For weeks after, I couldn’t eat or sleep or repeat the word 'fine' anytime

someone asked how I was doing

But I was still doing it

I played pretend but I was losing it

Because I wasn’t ready to lose you

And I can’t live with the fact of knowing

That there’s nothing that I can do to bring you back

It’s really quite selfish of me

But I would if I had the opportunity

I’m so tired of sitting at home

I’m so tired of feeling abandoned

I’m a damned kid

I’m just tired of being alone

So tired of trying to manage this baggage from collateral damage

These are just memories that seem to haunt my mind on a daily basis

You are my greatest weakness but in turn you are my aegis

And together we lead a legion of the living who can’t help but carry their dead

This weight takes it’s toll but each day we move forward taking one step

One step towards the end

One step towards knowing if we’ll ever see our loved ones again

We refuse to rest until we breath our last breaths

Until our hearts beat their last beats inside of our beaten chests

Although our cause is worth fighting for

We aren’t looking to wage a war

We’re just fighting to lead our lives

We’re just hoping for something more

Searching for a state of being subsequently giving death a meaning

But until such knowledge is obtained it’s in the dark that we’ll remain

Living on in me, I will carry on your name

I still carry you with me

We refuse to rest until we breath our last breaths

Until our hearts beat their last beats inside of our beaten chests