Killing Myself To Live - Stillwell

So now I’m faced with a decision to make

I’m living in a race swimming with sinning and hate

Grinning with fakes in the middle of a prison escape

Incarcerated by my own thoughts

Haunted with the feeling that my lifetime has grown short

It’s the beginning of the end for me until they empty me

I fear the destiny of God and the Devil himself that have sent for me

Cut to the chase at my birth

Cut from the face of the Earth

Cut from the grace of the church

Cut through the waiste 'till it hurts

No one around wants to help restore me

Let’s face it, a man’s downfall makes for a better story

The media will make a mockery out of the pain in my life

And you can tune into the amusement on Entertainment Tonight

bad chemicals

Became a grand spectacle, a punchline for the whole crowd to laugh hysterical

Money, trash, and women with substance addictions

Trapped in a chase trying to run from afflictions

Drug dependencies, suicidal tendencies

how could it ever be?

Pretend celebrities with their lives in jepordy

Sucess was the end of me

Killing myself to live

Alone in a crowded room

Killing myself to live

All the voices in my head say

Killing myself to live

I’m going through a

Killing myself to live

I swear I’ll change tomorrow

Killing myself to live

I look for silence in some organized religion

The more my eye twitches seem the more I despise the living

My blasphemous past made blasphemous cash

Now it’s all stacked in the trash, my actions are trashed

I’m running with the sheep

Blessed all the meat

Tongue’s possessing my speech

Part of an extraterrestral freak

Got my sins deleted from God’s computer

Same God that bombs intruders of other God disputers

My rock 'n' roll money was given to the law

And seeing the police driving an automobile he shouldn’t afford

They stood and applaud the words I couldn’t absorb

'Cause the hood here in the broad is all good

I’m in a haze again

Return to my wicked ways again

Stricken from his praise again

Ripping the page condemned

Standing in darkness doing cuts my frown

Hands of darkness crucifiction upside down

Rebound of obsession sleeping deep down in regression

Found perfection in a

If you can’t beat it, join it

Smoke it, drink it, fly off the injection depression

Man, what a rush life’s in a flush

The grandness of the rush, stranded I’m standing

It’s so easy to do wrong, so easy to spew hate

I can’t leave it and move on, believe me it’s too late

That’s when I’m approached by the man from the network

Said if I could maintain the madness, man I could get work

They’re gonna cut me a big cheque to invade my privacy

Put me on the TV and claim demons inside of me

Being myself is a surreal life

Feels like my shield’s died

Empty’s how I feel inside

All of the players crying I needed this end to reality TV celebrity died

meaningless