I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual - Sloppy Seconds

Aunt Ida Nelson: Have you met any nice boys in The Swan?

Gator: Oh, pretty nice.

Aunt Ida: I mean any nice queer boys.

Did you fool with any of them?

Gator: Aunt Ida, you know I dig women.

Aunt Ida: Aw, don’t tell me that.

Gator: Christ, let’s not go through this again.

Aunt Ida: All those beauticans, and you don’t have any boy dates?

Gator: I don’t want any boy dates.

Aunt Ida: Oh honey, I’d be so happy if you turned nally.

Gator: Hey, no way.

I’m straight.

I mean I like a lot of queers,

but I don’t dig their equipment, y’know?

I like women.

Aunt Ida: But you can change.

Queers are just better.

I’d be so proud if you

was a fag, and had a nice beautician boyfriend.

I’d never have to worry.

Gator: There ain’t nothing to worry about.

Aunt Ida: I’m worried that you’ll work in an office, get married, have children,

celebrate wedding anniversaries.

The world of heterosexuals is a sick and

boring life.

Gator: Sometimes I think you’re fucking crazy.

I’m real happy just the way I am.

People are telling me that I’m missing out on the fun.

'Cause I don’t go anywhere, and I don’t meet anyone.

But I know how rumors fly.

When you’re a lonely guy.

And I’m here to tell you it’s a lie.

There’s stange things going on at night most everywhere.

You know those places, well you’ll never see me there.

I walk by other men.

And I don’t notice them.

But then those rumors start again.

So I’m gonna tell the world.

I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

I’m gonna find a girl.

'Cause I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

I guess that it’s okay.

If other guys are gay.

But my hormones are one-directional.

And I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk.

Is it the way I look?

Is it the way I walk?

Is it the clothes I wear,

that make the people stare?

Is it the way I comb my hair?

I’m only hoping maybe there will come a day

When I can make them understand that I’m not gay.

But 'till that day is near,

Iguess I’ll live in fear.

And I curse the day I pierce my ear.

There’s nothing wrong with me.

I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

Know what I want to be.

And I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

Soft boys and closet queens,

think Judy Garland’s keen.

But I don’t think she’s nothing special.

And I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

(instrumental break)

So now I’m wondering if maybe they’re not right.

'Cause I’ve gone all paranoid and I can’t sleep at night.

I went to see the shrink.

What did the doctor think?

I swear to god I saw him wink.

I pray to God I’m wrong

I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

Why did I write this song

If I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual?

I hope it’s not too late,

for them to set me straight.

I’ve got to see a real professional.

'Cause I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual, no!

No no no no.

No no no no no no no.

I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.

(repaeated in background)

I don’t wanna go with guys named Shamus.

I don’t wanna be rich and famous.

I don’t wanna go to a French art festival

and I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual.