Play Your Cards Wrong - Rodney Carrington

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

You’ve got all the makings

Of my future ex-wife

I’ve got 3 bucks

My credit sucks

And my future don’t look to bright

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

Some call me a loser

And a lazy no good slob

I’ve lost my house

I’ve got no car

I can’t keep a job

But i’ve got a big heart

And another part

Take me home, you’ll understand

Because my genitalia looks like a pringles can

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

When i pull my pants down

Hey you won’t believe i’m white

It’s been said that i’m Mr. Ed

But don’t worry, I won’t bite

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight

Some call me dishonest

And they say i’m just lyin'

But i peed next to ol' John Holmes and

He started cryin'

On a sunny day i’ve got it made

Get under my wiener if you need shade

If you play your cards wrong

You can take me home tonight