Family Funeral Fight - Ray Stevens

Now he was just a little fella

Barely five foot three

But he caused a great commotion

Down in Ducktown, Tennessee

Now it was nothing that the old man did

Or one word that he said

Fact is, the trouble didn’t start

'Til three days after he was dead

It was a military funeral

With the family gathered round

Come to show the old man honor

And to ease him in the ground

But murmurs spread among the crowd

And the mourner’s blood ran cold

When up pulled the big squad car

Marked Tennessee State Patrol

It was the old man’s youngest son

Doing 25 to life

For burning down his brother’s trailer

And running off with his wife

The entire family was divided

Held together by a shaky truce

And then a woman yelled, «I still love you, Earl»

And all hell broke lose

Brothers, uncles, sisters, cousins

Knifin', fistfights by the dozens

Yellin', spittin', bitin', hittin'

What a sight to see

At the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight

It started in the afternoon and lasted half the night

10 were stabbed, two were shot, nobody walked or talked quite right

After the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight

Well, they called out the county Mounties

And more highway patrol

And after about an hour or two

They finally gained control

The sheriff said, «This is a disgrace

And I’m haulin' all y’all in

But not until we brought this service

To a decent end»

So the Honor Guard stepped forward

Fired their rifles in the air

An old lady who was snoozin'

Jumped and fell out of her chair

And as she hit that Astroturf

You won’t believe what happened then

A boy yelled, «Whoa, they shot grandma»

And here we go again

Mourners, police, Honor Guard

Relatives from near and far

Cussin', fussin', bitin', hittin'

What a sight to see

At the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight

It started in the afternoon and lasted half the night

10 were stabbed, two were shot, nobody walked or talked quite right

After the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight

It was the Ducktown knockdown family funeral feud

You can’t believe the mayhem and the chaos that ensued

Why, they even shot the sheriff, punched out the preacher’s lights

At the Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight

The Ducktown knockdown family funeral fight