Wives 1, 2 & 3 - Paul Heaton, Jacqui Abbott

Wife #1, her confidence had gone

The pounds had piled upon those deadly thighs

As she sank into the sand and missed my outstretched hand

I could not understand her final cries

She did not feed me well

She nagged me close to hell

When faced with final bell

Why the surprise?

The women and their husbands

They are chalk and they are cheese

You cannot call it true love

Until one of you’s on your knees

The women and their husbands

They are north and they are south

Love just can’t survive unless

You learn to hush your mouth

Love just can’t survive unless

You learn to hush your mouth…

Wife #2, so loyal and so true

'Til the wind on bridge-top blew, she was mine

But when she hit that railway track, there was no going back

I watched her poor head cracked by the 8:09

She did not love me right

I caught her late at night

Asking her friend’s advice

Instead of mine

Wife #3, she fell into the sea

But I had to let her be, I could not swim

As I stood there soaking wet, my only real regret

Is I could not quite forget she slept with him

Wife #4, he loves me to the core

So I like to stay indoors and watch TV

If he mentions going out, he puts finger to my mouth

And reminds me of wives 1, 2, and 3…

Three…