Born to Be Adored - Momus

I was created in the fleshpots of Araby

My mother was the Emperor’s secretary

My father, a notorious libertine

Escaped from Sodom and Gomorrah, the cities of the plain

You can read my family’s rise and fall in Gibbon

I was born to be adored by women

Well Seth begat Clem and then Clem begat Ruth

And then Ruth begat me and all hell broke loose

The tribes all began to multiply and boom

And, looking at their kids, no-one knew from whom

The beautiful things kept springing

I was born to be adored by women

My hair is long, distinguished, prematurely grey

I’ve got a mouth like Ernest Hemingway’s ashtray

I’ve fathered 103 illegitimate kids

I’ve never met a mother I couldn’t bed

I love children, spiders, snakes, and anything living

I was born to be adored by women

Some guys can erect garden furniture

That must be what God invented husbands for

But if you need a milk chocolate in the shape of a man

If you need a chunk of marzipan the size of Taiwan

Look up the chimney, see what Santa’s bringing

I was born to be adored by women

Well I know I’m always late since my watch got sold

But I’m worth the wait, the weight in gold

After God made me, they broke the mould

And I’ve broken all the records with that old song

Bold girls are so fond of singing

I was born to be adored by women

Well my favourite bird is the cuckoo, punk

My favourite beast the funky skunk

My favourite colour is the emerald green

Chuck the football king goes when his beauty queen

Comes to me when she’s chucked him in

I was born to be adored by women

What I don’t know about love technique

You could scribble in biro on the balls of your feet

I never wear underwear, I drive a dead beat Landrover

In my bare feet stark naked, there’s always one more river to go swim in

I was born to be adored by women