The Doubtful Guest - Michael Mantler

When they answered the bell on that wild winter night

There was no one expected-and no one in sight

Then they saw something standing on top of an urn

Whose peculiar appearance gave them quite a turn

All at once it leapt down and ran into the hall

Where it chose to remain with its nose to the wall

It was seemingly deaf to whatever they said

So at last they stopped screaming, and went off to bed

It joined them at breackfast and presently ate

All the syrup and toast, and part of a plate

It wrenched off the horn from the new gramophone

And could not be persuaded to leave it alone

It betrayed a great liking for peering up flues

And for peeling the soles of its white canvas shoes

At times it would tear out whole chapters from books

Or put roomfuls of pictures askew on their hooks

Every Sunday it brooded and lay on the floor

Inconveniently close to the drawing-room door

Now and then it would vanish for hours from the scene

But alas, be discovered inside a tureen

It was subject to fits of bewildering wrath

During which it would hide all the towels from the bath

In thenight through the house it would aimlessly creep

In spite of the fact of its being asleep

It would carry off objects of which it grew fond

And protect them by dropping them into the pond

It came seventeen years ago-and to this day

It has shown no intention of going away