Silk Crows - Melanin 9, bonnaz

Can’t be right that I ain’t seen you all these years

Broken fragments of my life are put together with these tears

Its the third time I’ve tried to talk about you in a verse

To the girl who gave my name and put my presence on this earth

As your son, the second scarred kid you never raised

Cold Henny in the glass as I think about the days

Of people saying I look like you used to piss me off

Cos what I thought you did was spiteful but who am I to judge

Could never understand your views and ways and why you would deceive me

My grandma used to back you said you never had it easy

You abandoned and deceived a bad seed a school truant

Days of staring at the door wishing you’d walk through it

On the cold stairwell observing life through a broken lens

Wishing I can call you after a fight with my older friends

Or maybe falling off my first bike, my first offence

Shotting weed, for my growth you were all that I need

And trust I mean no disrespect to my gran she did her best

Probably saved me from the streets putting a hole in my chest

She took us in clothes on our back food on the table

The first family in the hood to have movies on cable

I’ll never forget the fun we had cos she loved us bad

Ducking bullets on the fuzzy screen with a strap

I loved her for that in every struggle man she always held it down

My pops would bring a lot of stress when he would come around

But fuck him I know he’s the main reason why you broke down

I heard the rumours of his abuses when he was smoked out

I can’t lie though it came to girls he gave me good advice

He saw my daughter more times than I’ve seen you in my life

And that’s twisted to see your presence as an apparition

Left me to learn from all the actions and your bad decisions

Feels like my back is in prison trying to survive

Hoping that my daughter sees a father when she looks in my eyes

Hoping it makes you smile to see your son raising a child

I feel lost like Malcolm X when he was facing a trial

Thrown in the deep end sometimes I really feel like leaving

This world’s deceiving I grip the stout and blow some trees in the wind

As I think of all the things I learnt without you (without you)

All the things I learnt without you (learnt without you)

(yo, never doubtful)