Vancouver - Mark Kozelek

Caroline and I got sandwiches at Molinari at about 2 PM

The tables were so full, both there and The Trieste

So we took the cab back to my place to eat there

I hadn’t yet packed for my tour

And showed her various suit jacket and pants combinations I was considering

bringing

I wanted to bring my old eel-skinned shoes

But wanted to make sure they looked okay with whatever suit I brought

The shoes could be ten years old and theyŕe very worn

Contrasting too much with my newr clothes

But she said they lookd fine with everything I was trying on

And that I wasn’t going anywhere that I needed to appear too flashy

I’m leaving tomorrow for Vancouver to play various Canadian and US shows until

the end of September

Mostly secondary markets

I’ve never been too concerned about my appearance in the past

But at 52, I don’t want to look too dopey

Jeans were cool up until I was about 49

But when I turned 50, it was time to show up on stage looking like a grownup

From my place, we walked to Aquatic Park Pier through the Marina and back

We got groceries and then she went home and I came back here

Where I’m waiting for her to come over for dinner

It’s been so warm that I’ve got candles burning to kill off the mosquitoes and

flies that have been swarming around

I’m 50% packed

My flight isn’t until 5 PM tomorrow

So the rest of the packing can wait

I’m bringing Black Spring by Henry Miller

I’m maybe 100 pages into it so far and it’s like reading a long dream

Caroline’s on her way over and I’m gonna scrub the bathtub before she gets here

I’m at the Sandman Hotel in Vancouver

Before I left for tour yesterday, I ran errands with Caroline

Then we came back to my apartment

She sat on my couch and I laid my head down on her lap

I was holding her so tight, saying, over and over, «I don’t want to go»

My nerves were maxing out

My overall feeling was 'cause of the length of the tour

3 weeks

A walk in the park for a young man, but I’m in a different place now

I spent last night moving mattresses around on the floor to get away from a

high-pitched tone that’s coming from somewhere in this hotel room

I slept poorly, and I have a big bag under my right eye

I woke up to this Email from Justin that’s a reply to one I sent him

I’ll read his Email now, and then read my response back to him

Mark

Very sorry for such a slow reply.

I was actually in the US for three shows in

New York, then a fest in Providence of all places.

I was only back home a day,

then Berlin, then straight into a 50th birthday party, which I didn’t really

want, but thought I better tick the box.

I’m still jetlagged and so, so tired,

and I’m only catching up with Emails from the last week now.

Anyway,

great to hear from you, and nice that you basically took the summer off for

resting and just enjoying.

I’ve not felt so tired in my life as I have this

last year.

I’ve done a lot of shows, but being 50 is a new level of tiredness,

I’ve found, which has been confirmed by others around me who are 50+.

Maybe you’ve found the same thing, but man, it’s heavy.

I’m gonna check out

Petra Harden since I’ve heard good things.

I’d love to hear your collab with

her.

No worries with accounting, whenever you can.

Yeah, the Grant Hart tribute,

happy to hear Patti Smith is contributing.

Looking forward to finishing this

new Jesu album which has taken over a year so far.

It’s taken that long, though,

due to working on it intermittently during so many other things and shows.

I’ll have other music to send you;

maybe a good bit in 2020. I’ll have music

that’s appropriate again, eventually, I hope.

It would be a great and nice

surprise for people, for us to have a collab record out there again.

Anyways, back to catching up on Emails, and catching up on sleep

My best to you and the family, thank you

Justin

Justin

I’m just beginning a tour in Vancouver that’s gonna be three weeks long.

It’s funny, what you said about being 50, because somebody asked me recently,

'When does the real fatigue, the real aches and pains set in?'

Without

hesitation, I said, «50.»

I was in Australia and New Zealand this past May and

June and I thought, 'Who knows?'

Nevermind post-tour depression anymore,

now there’s, 'That-might-be-my-last-tour-ever depression'.

I get mysterious

aches and pains out of nowhere.

Overall, everything has become harder to do,

and more tiring.

I did a lot of thinking over the summer, and I’m thinking

about semi-retiring from the live part of this business.

Not 100% sure on that,

but touring’s becoming harder work, and I fetl confident that this way of life

could be the end of me if I did too much of it.

That’s great that you’re out

there playing.

Treat yourself to some well-deserved rest and I’ll do the same

at the end of this month

Happy 50th

Mark