Touched By The Hand Of Cool - Luke Evans, Lucy Harris, Matt Lucas

LEIGH, BILLY AND SLAVES

Touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

LEIGH

It’s all about potential… Look at those cheeks… etched out of baby granite.

SLAVES

Take a little pinch of no-one

Dress it up in something cool

We know you can teach us something

You’re just such a know it all

LEIGH

Get to work…

SLAVES

Blessed if you can make us worthy

Something to write home about

We are dumb

And we know nothing

There’s no shadow of a doubt

Oh we love it when you’re evil

It’s no less than we deserve

How you kill us with unkindness

We hang on every word

How absurd

ALL

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

LEIGH

I think she’s got it… By George, I think she’s got it…

SLAVES

It’s a little bit Pygmalion

You’re a little Dorian Gray

Some of us are heterosexual

Some of us refuse to say

Blessed if you are worthy

Something to write home about

We are dumb and we know nothing

Oh we love it when you’re evil

It’s no less than we deserve

LEIGH

What?

Him wear that?

SLAVES

How you kill us with unkindness

We hang on every word

How absurd

LEIGH

Look at those cheeks…

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

Touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

I wanna be touched by the hand of cool

LEIGH

No!