Rainy Day - Josh Martinez

I woke up this morning and realized

There is no job that I’d ever want

To spend my whole life doing

(Because I don’t have the patience)

I’ve been thinking as I age

No gray only twenty three years old

But already I’ve become someone

I once told myself I would never be

Not that being me is such a bad thing it just sucks

To go from aw, shucks to sho nuff then find out

That rhyming as I know it isn’t what it’s all about

I can’t finish anything I start

I break hearts and grow flowers on the window sill

Still I feel like there’s nothing lifelike in these hands

Now I have to lie crying foul, someone breathed too loud

I get another try, can I buy a vowel?

Oh my God, I’m sick of sob stories

Everybody envies any life but their own

Nobody thinks to stop moping

And get open spend some time alone

I gotta read a book, I need to wear more sweaters

I’m glad I cut my hair, I’m glad I stopped wearing underwear

I’m better off, each day less sun shines through my curtain

I’m certain it shouldn’t hurt to get up but it does

I love the buzz, I get forgetting every day I’ve wasted

I remember kissing but can’t remember how kissing tasted

I’ve faced my fears with beers and got wasted

So I suckle on the forty bottle, my brain throttled

It buckled under the weight of my slumber state

I’m way too involved to appreciate, I’m too evolved to deviate

All alone in my room the booze I reek of

I’m asleep at the wheel with no windshield to speak of

And it’s just another rainy day

Can’t see the rainbow, there’s too much gray

Gotta wash this sad face away

On a cold muggy Monday in a dark part of town

I used my body as a host for those just floating around

I heard the chant of the chiccadas

And was haunted by the cadence of their stated sound verbatim

I was vaporized like skies full of napalm calm

Raining down like an a-bomb

And here I am just trying to stay strong

In the honey-hopping, flower pot to pot

I pan block to block, all I see is spots to shop

And lots of cheap spots to sleep and flowerpots

And coffee grinds empty mugs and lemon rinds

I jitterbug but cut a better rug after a bitter mug of all black coffee

Softly I walk into the next room and think

Soon it will be me standing there awfully scared to commit

But shit I don’t want to lose

Or have to choose between using my music

And being used to suit dudes

And now I’m feeling I can’t do shit

I struggle to remain sober rain jump over mud puddles

I’m passively subtle, act all shy and can’t raise my voice

Though I made my choice

I, so surprised at how this solemn vow I took to self

To go for delf soured in my dour smile, checked my style

And with soiled shoes decided I would stay a while

I parked my car but made to leave

Wanting to say what I wore on my sleeve

Wanting to stay but I couldn’t breathe

Or read the signs or redefine reasoning

Even though I can’t control my own breathing

Looking out my window clouds settle low and misty

Watching tracks of tears rolling down my cheek rather swiftly

Sitting on my bed waiting for the sun to lift me

And it’s just another rainy day

Can’t see the rainbow, there’s too much gray

Gotta wash this sad face away