Hairy Hypochondriac - James Gang

Somebody find me a wheelchair

I’m feeling kind of faint today

I got beriberi and a whooping cough

I think I’m gonna fade away

I got a case of yellow fever

I get it every other week

My gums swell up with the scurvy

It gets so hard to speak

I got a bad case of sneeze

I got wobbly knees

Just call me Hairy Hypochondriac

Hurry up and call the doctor

I think I got the mumps again

Bring me morphine, mama, and some codeine, papa

Read the last rites, my friend

Now I think I’m seeing double

My heart don’t seem to beat

Checking for scarlet fever

Being sick sure ain’t neat

I got a bad case of sneeze

I got wobbly knees

Just call me Hairy Hypochondriac

Medicare, Allsup, and Blue Cross

Never seem to be enough

I got a paid-up suite in a hospital

Good gosh of mine, things are rough

Ever since I was a baby

Mama said «The boy ain’t well!»

I know that things ain’t one bit better

'Cause my health’s all shot to hell

I got a bad case of sneeze

I got wobbly knees

Just call me Hairy Hypochondriac

Hey, doc!

I got this pain all over my left leg!

Does that mean my arm is gonna fall off?

I got a bad case of sneeze

I got wobbly knees

Just call me Hairy Hypochondriac

Hey, doc!

It’s about these spots in front of my eyes

What is it, malaria?

Am I going blind?

What is it?

I got a bad case of sneeze

I got wobbly knees

Just call me Hairy Hypochondriac

I can’t seem to turn my neck around.

What does that mean?

Have I got a whiplash or something?

Stretcher!

Medic!

Corpsman!

Help!

Help!

I got a bad case of sneeze

I got wobbly knees

Just call me Hairy Hypochondriac