Ulysses - Jake Thackray

When Ulysses comes home

He always greets me with an open heart

But you will see how Ulysses

Has taken my life apart

Ive got a dog called Ulysses

He plays all day in the park

Sniffing at his friends and the chestnut trees

And chasing cats til after dark

When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof)

His tail in the air

His usual exuberance

Is awfully hard to bear

When I stumble home at night Im jaded and stale

And so I try to take a little repose

I dont want waking up with a happy tail

I dont want a kiss from a big wet nose

When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof)

He gets on my wick

For Ulysses communicates

His love with a snuffle and a lick

I like to sit in my fireside chair

Watching telly til the epilogue

In a semi-coma and without a care

And I would do if it were not for my bloody dog

When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof)

Like a maniac

Its useless to pursue my viewing

So Ive sent my television back

I tried to climb the social scale

And so I organised a little do

Some very posh people came to my cocktail

But at half-past seven my party was through

When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof)

I knew I was sunk

My guests were not at all impressed

And they left when my dog got drunk

I brought my sweetie home one night

And we both knew that this was it

Sipping Chianti by candlelight

We were getting to a very important bit

When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof)

He broke the spell

Intruding on my beautiful

Romance like a hound from hell

My one solution is quick and grim

A little bottle of cyanide

I cant bring myself to get rid of him

I shall have to perform a suicide

So when Ulysees comes home (wag wag woof woof)

Home for his tea

Hell have to cry a little bit

For having given so much love to me.