What a Phone Call Should Be - George Carlin

You have to resort to these tactics because many people do not understand what a phone call should be or what a phone call is.

Ideally, a phone call is the brief exchange of a few vital pieces of information.

This is a phone call.

“Hey, Steve, what time’s the circle jerk start tonight?

Ten o’clock, OK.

Listen, I’m going to be a little bit late.

You’ll have to start without me.

Oh, don’t worry.

I’ll catch up.

I’m eating a whole bunch of oysters and watching a horny movie.

It’s called Tarzan Fucks a Zebra.

Russell Crowe.

Well, it’s kind of a fantasy.

Right now, Renee Zellweger is blowing a unicorn.”

That’s a phone call.

It should not be a two and a half hour harangue of your third cousin describing her mailman’s liposuction.

God, people are fucking boring.

People are just fucking boring.