Dance Contest - Frank Zappa

Fz:

«one of, one of the things that I like best about playing in new york is this

particular place, because it has — it has a stage that is conducive to,

how you say in the trade, audience part

Tion.

now if theres one thing that I really like, its, uh, audience

participation.

now listen… I gotta figure out something that I can,

uh — do you think we should have another dance contest

Ght?

oh, hey — the injured person dance contest.

ah, well, lets see…

awright, Ill tell you what were going to do.

heres a, heres a guy who really

wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety,

Ighty, hey.

okay…»

Butch:

«you are great, man — you are great.

you are the best, baby.

do dinah-moe humm.»

Fz:

«all right, now wait a minute — whats your name?

hey, hey — whats your name?

«Butch:

«butch.»

Fz:

«awright, the dynamic butch.

heres, heres a girl that wants to dance with butch.

whats your name?

«Lena:

«lena.»

Fz:

«what?

«Lena:

«lena.»

Fz:

«lena, meet butch.

okay, lena and butch, couple number one.

heh heh.

okay, lets see — that guy there, with his… that — that one there with the

teeshirt on — no, no, the other one — this o No, no — no no no, wait a minute, wait… well, youre — actually,

youre very nice, though.

would you like to come up here?

…okay,

but dyou think you can behave yourself?

you, youre sure yo Behave yourself?

…okay, whats your name?

«Guy:

«tom, man.

(mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble)(gurgle) you (mumble,

mmf, etc.).»

Guy:

«arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc.»

Fz:

«awright, now wait a minute.

awright, awright, now wait…»

Guy:

«(mumble, mmf.) ugliness!

ugliness!»

Other guy:

«frank, youre my buddy!

arrgh, mmf.»

Fz:

«awright, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I have an important message to deliver

to all the cute people all over the world.

if youre out there and youre cute,

maybe youre beautiful, I just

To tell you somethin — theres more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are,

hey-y, so watch out.

now…»

Guy (butch?):

«will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?

«Fz:

«sure.

all right, now you — he wants to get his girlfriend — go get your

girlfriend.»

Girl:

«hey zap!»

Fz:

«good to see you again.»

Girl:

«squeak!»

Fz:

«i know.»

Guy:

«i aint no fucking queer.»

Fz:

«all right, now look, heres what were going to do.

awright.

now.

this — theyll be mashed, Ill save them, Ill save them for later.»

Guy:

«im not a fucking queer.»

Fz:

«this man is trying desperately to let everybody know that hes not a queer.

hes not queer, hes not queer.

awright, and now… you are going to dance,

like youve never danced before…&q