It's a Party, Not Daycare, Asshole - Doug Stanhope

Have you ever considered Registering as a sex offender Just so you have a legitimate excuse for

why your friends can’t bring their stupid children over to your house?

That’s all it would take.

That’s all it would take.

I never thought–oh wait, that’s So easy.

I’d just put myself on a web Site

somewhere.

And then your friend calls up, “yeah, you’re having a Monday Night football party,

shit, Yeah, I wanna come.

I got custody this week though.

You don’t mind if I bring jimmy Junior

and the baby, do you?”

You go, “oh, yeah, Jim, I’d love to see the kids.

You know they’re a

treasure at Every party, but, uh, I had an Incident years back, and now I’m on a watchdog site, so

why don’t you just leave those kids locked In a hot car and you bring beer Like anyone else

would do at a party?”

Who thinks that’s okay?

“plus I’m a huge saints fan, and I might fuck the

shit out of your kids if they’re ahead at Half-time because I’m real superstitious, so, yeah, you

bring cold beer like anyone else Would do.”