Dreaming Is Sinking - Dayseeker

I tried looking into her eyes to make sense of my own life

But found senseless realizations

I was reckless and she was justification

A vacation from the monotony I lived in

And avoiding risk felt nice until I realized

I was avoiding purpose

And it’s all new, but I love her

At least I think, because I don’t want to live so empty

And I have this tendency to complicate things

Better than I break things

And she was somehow caught in the in-between

And forever means forever

And that’s what it’ll always mean

And life is a reality, except for when it’s a dream

And those are the moments that I can’t seem to think

But I make sense of my mess

By making sense of her and me

And this fear keeps me alive

This fear of knowing that she could leave me

And I could try

But this fear fuels the flames

That’s why I feel like I’m going to die

Cause she kept a part of me close by

And I liked it the best I can

And now that I know who I used to be

It’s hard to be happy with who I am

And that’s where she came in

A half-baked smile and a love to pretend

But prior to then, love was nothing more to me

Than a vacation, a vacant motivation

To avoid the means it takes to reach any real end

A sense of salvation

But also an element of bitter hope

To cope with the rope that was tied around my neck

And the savior I hoped for was chased away

Way back then

When I found vices to take the place

Of all the things I wanted to be

And I lost sight of me

But I was told I could be anybody

And I thought I could find purpose

In loving someone who looks like me

And I began dreaming or sinking

Most nights, they meant the same thing

And when that salvation finally found me

It was traded away for thirty pieces of silver

Seems like that’s not too much, I guess

But I sold my savior for a whole lot less

My two best friends, acceptance, and a mirage of fake happiness

And now the words I use to cling to as my refuge

Now torture me in my head

Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do

It’s funny 'cause it seems like I did every time I lied to you

And that’s my only truth, that I can’t sleep at night

And I can’t get these things right

And salvation escaped when she came into view

And now I’m hoping my whole life isn’t mistaken as you

But there’s no way of knowing

When all I’m doing is coping with my own pride

And my past would fight with me, hoping I would find truth

But it’s never a good idea to start a fight

With a man who has nothing to lose

And I’m empty, my heart is caving in

And for whatever reason, I finally let somebody in

And I don’t know what love is, but I’m growing