Intro III - Awkwafina

Hello ladies and gents

Welcome back to another episode of «Sunsets and Lovers»

I’m your host Sabrina Clearwater

I started this show five years ago after meeting my now live-in lover, Juan G. J

He was a Mexican rug maker

And when I met him I had been climbing a mountain

And on that climb I had lost part of my finger

It was very painful

But Juan continued to say 'Climb forward, young funyun

Don’t let the pain deter you from reaching the destiny that is my loins.'

And so I went forward, and we made love 86 hours

Atop that- Atop that snowy mountainside in the Himalayas

Now, on my show I take a number of calls from people

Those who are either experiencing love or reeling from heartbreak

And uh… I think we should go forward and take our first call

Kay everyone, let’s welcome Ronnie from Sioux City, South Dakota

Everyone, Ronnie

Yo Doctor, doctor, wait, hol' up

Kill that music real quick

Kill that music, hol' up

Doctor, my dick hurts so bad, I think I sat on it wrong last night

I was doing pilates and I think I sat on my dick wrong and shit

That shit hurt so bad

This morning I woke up, I was in my bed

With my- with my shoes on- my shoes on- was still on

And I was like 'my dick hurt though'

I don’t know why my dick hurt so bad

I never had this hurt so much

I was at the carnival two days ago

I was at the carnival two days ago

I was on a ride, I was goin' up and down

But my dick didn’t hurt that day

That shirt hurt right now though

Like I’m trying to go out

I’m trying to go to the club

But my dick hurt so bad

I could only hop on one foot

Wit' my- wit' my other foot behind my head

And I could hop a little

I can’t walk like no normal person

I’m on the street and everyone like

'Look at that, why his dick hurt so bad?'

I can’t even sit here watch Bones

I can’t even watch Bones right now

'Cause my dick hurt so bad

Okay… okay.

Let’s cut this- Let’s cut- Let’s- Let’s- Let’s cut this

Let’s cut- okay…

I don’t know what that was

I think Ronnie might have had the wrong number there

Ah… but you know what?

We could look at that call as maybe his dick… uh…

As a metaphor for his heart

And how maybe his heart heart hurt so bad

As opposed to his genital extremities

Uh… let’s take- let’s take one more call

This is Carla.

Carla from… from Portland, Oregon

Carla from Portland, Oregon

Nah, nah

This is Ronnie again 'cuz listen

I don’t know why y’all hangin' up

'Cause in second grade I had two gerbils

One was named Fufu and the other one was named Joe

And they both died at the same time

And I felt so much pain at that time

And now only that pain can be paralleled

With the way that my dick hurt right now

Basically like- like if my my dick was a volcano

And pain was the lava inside that volcano

Basically my dick is… basically uh…

Pretty much swimmin' in that lava

Like this is Pompeii

Like in my pants is Pompeii

And like I’ma tell you the truth

Because when I go to American Eagle

I feel like sometimes that make my dick hurt more

In like a- In like a mental way

But I’m saying right now that my dick hurt so bad

And I’m tryna just go down the street

I’m tryna go to Duncan Donuts

Get me some of them-

Some of them hash brown

Some of them circular hash brown

With some coconut iced coffee

So I can start my day

I don’t know if I told you

But I’m writing this book on- on-

It’s like a romance book

It’s kinda like Don Quijote

But more of like of- of-

Of like- like a vampire horror fiction

I’m tryna write that book

I’m tryna go to Starbucks

Drink my Duncan Donuts in Starbucks

But my dick hurt so bad

I can’t even- I can’t even walk to the stove right now

Like I’m talkin' like I can’t even go to Red Lobster

And have me no clams- cassino

Because my dick is like the Clams Casino

Of like my nipples

Does that make any sense?

'Cause I can’t even watch Bones

I’m just tryna watch some Bones

And my dick hurt so bad

I can’t even watch no bones

Okay… Let’s cut this… L-l-l-let's cut this