The Volunteer - Stackridge

When I was younger I used to wonder

If I would sail across the sea

Dressed like a soldier

And sleep beneath the trees

Schooldays were contemptible

Me girlfriend sported boils

Though rarely far presentable

Me hair was kept well oiled

Now I’ve got whiskers size ten blisters

Sgt Major Busby has a phonograph

He entertains his fellow men with tea

He often bellows dirty words

His waxed mustache is quite absurd

Ain’t it barmy join the Army

«Hands off cocks and on wiv socks!»

He said to me

The very first day I joined the volunteers

And though it sounds remarkable I’m stationed in Sebastapol

What a caper bless my maker

When I was younger I used to wonder

If I would sail across the sea

Dressed like a soldier

And sleep beneath the trees

Cause lately it’s debatable if I’m alive and well

Me thirst has been insatiable

Like a banshee out of hell

Now I’ve got bunions big as onions

Colonel Upshot Baggley wears a petticoat

(No he don’t, No he don’t)

He entertains his fellow men with tea

Often finding light relief

With a red face batman underneath

Ain’t it barmy join the army

«Hands off cocks and on wiv socks!»

He said to me

The very first day I joined the volunteers

And though it sounds remarkable I’m stationed in Sebastapol

What a caper bless my maker

Private 89 436 271 received his final discharge yesterday

The only thing he said to me was

«Don't go sleeping under trees!»

Ain’t it baaarmy